What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
