am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
