why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My bed smells like the plague
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
