have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just gift wrapped bread.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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