if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
