He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
