he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
