All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
