glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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