Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
