areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
