I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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