he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you never un-have a 4some
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
