Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
