Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
