I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
