it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
