i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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