i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
