dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize