Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
In America we eat man semen.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish you could order shots online.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
