dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
