I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
