She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
