with your own penis?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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