I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
