I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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