I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
