did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize