I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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