my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
ttyl tear gas
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
