I think my vagina is haunted
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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