I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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