your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
