your thong is hanging out like whoa
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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