So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
