i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
