Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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