Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
