i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
