just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
