He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
