i just google imaged poop.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
