Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
