I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
