Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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