I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize