I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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