false alarm. still invincible.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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