When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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