Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
