Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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