just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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