Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
