I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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