it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
