i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we made out on top of his cat.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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