Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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