I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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