Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
