If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
