I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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