I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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