Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
