I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
