I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
