i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
