Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
